Mike, Jim, and Tim never realised for years that their names formed a pun or joke of some sort. Best friends since starting middle school, it wasn’t until college that they hit upon the right order, or combination, while trying to come up with a comedy troupe name.

In high school they had formed a band, ‘The Paynes’, with Tim as the lead singer and his “brothers” on drums and guitar. But nobody was interested in seeing a bunch of short fat guys playing Smash Mouth covers badly, so that soon died out. A comedy troupe was a much better idea.

Especially since Mike, the Lower of the group, had been wheelchair bound due to his diabetes. They put up posters in the Student’s Union building in which Mike was sitting in his extra wide wheelchair, Jim just faced the camera and stuck his belly out, while Tim gave a double thumbs up. Hilarious. Who wouldn’t find three heavily overweight frat boys funny? Morons, that’s who.

Their routine didn’t contain any real jokes of sorts, nor any sketches, skits, or stories. It was comprised of an ad hoc collection of slapstick moments that were supposed to form a “surreal farce.” In reality it did no such thing. It was just three unfunny, over-confident and overweight Oregon boys, who had never been told any better. Who had never been told ‘no’.

Their strapline was, Lower, Back and Payne: It’s Excruciating! It was supposed to be ironic. Because somehow, that's funny. Only it wasn’t. Unless you like a constant stream of mooning, farting, burping, and purposefully messy overeating. It was immature to the point of being extreme. They performed three shows in the college theatre to a less than warm reception from a handful of drunk students and seemed doomed to never perform again, until, unbeknown to them one of their performances was posted online by an unknown person in the audience.

This person probably wanted to just embarrass the three fat idiots. Afterall online bullying is ok when the victims deserve it. However, the performance became a minor online hit within a certain community. At first it was only available on YouTube, but it really took off when numerous shorter clips were posted to TikTok. As a half hour show it was nauseously disjointed, but as twelve second clips it took on a new lease of life.

You see, it turned out that a fat jock frat boy slipping on a greasy taco bell wrapper and faux falling into the bloated face of a morbidly obese diabetic in a wheelchair as his already sagging trousers slip down below his ass and he farts violently in said diabetics face, IS funny!

And apparently sexy.

It took Lower, Back, and Payne a while to cotton on to the kinkier reasons as to why they were suddenly successful. Homo-ertocism had certainly not been the aim, but they were happy enough to embrace it. Any kind of fame was better than no fame at all. If some people liked to see Tim eat twenty hot dogs before burping loudly into Jim’s flabby vibrating ass, only for the ass to fart back in Tim’s face, then why not give the people what they want?

It was clear to Mike, Jim, and Tim that their audience liked that they were fat. Because they told them so in the comments. The threesome hence set about getting fatter. This was easy for wheelchair bound Mike who was already huge and very immobile. JIm and Tim had to work harder at it. They had to plan their meals, count their calories, and ensure that they were consistently eating enough to gain.

Ginger haired Jim who was only five feet six, started at 280 lbs and within three months he had eaten his way up to 350. His belly bulged and his buttocks swelled as he gorged daily on IHOP all you can eat pancakes. He got excited for their famous buttermilk pancakes filled and topped with lemon cream cookie pieces, creamy cheesecake mousse and whipped topping. He could devour twenty of them in one sitting and still be ready to eat again an hour later - when he would go to Waffle House.

The brunette Tim with his deep brown eyes and deep dark navel, stuffed his stomach silly on record amounts of In-N-Out Burgers, which quite simply went in much quicker than they ever came out. He soon learned to not just enjoy, but love, the sensuous feeling of an overstuffed and bulging belly, rammed full of multiple burgers and cokes. He relished the sensation of his straining gut pushing out against his fraying 42 inch jeans. He was in love with how his own handles hung heavy and low at his sides, growing thicker and softer with every day. He was also top heavy, with massive moobs and oversized nipples that had started to stretch across his chest and under his ever widening arms. He broke the 370 lb limit after three months.

Lower, Back, and Payne now felt like they were ready, fat enough for their ultimate performance, the event that would break them.

They planned a new thirty minute show that was quite frankly just a rip-off of “The Aristocrats.” But they didn’t care, they needed to show the world just how fat and sexy they were. And if anybody just happened to laugh then, well, that was ok too.

The performance was filmed by a mutual friend, Danni, who also agreed to play the role of the talent scout. Mike, Jim, and Tim would enter the scouts office and offer to perform their show as a demonstration of their ‘comic’ abilities. The talent scout nervously agreed.

The 500 lb cripple entered first. It was hard to tell due to the effect of gravity on his low hanging fat but, Lower, was apparently already naked. He appeared to be heavily bloated and grabbed hold of his huge belly and attempted to lift the fat folds at the sides with his already reddening hands whilst declaring, “I need more!” He then produced a 20 oz bottle of coke from what seemed like his ass and began to chug it down greedily. At this point Jim Back entered wearing only an oversized woman’s bikini which cupped his soft doughy breasts perfectly but clearly left the top end of his soft cock sticking out against his thick left thigh. The tightness of the bikini string appeared to be turning it blue. He carried a tray of what seemed like fifty chocolate eclairs which he balanced expertly on top of his huge glutted out belly. Taking a swift look at the handicapped diabetic, he let out a devilish smile, and grabbed the only half empty coke bottle from him. He violently shook it up and then sprayed the remaining ten ounces straight into his immobile friend’s mouth before beginning to jam the eclairs in as well. At this point Tim Payne entered. He was also naked but as hard as a rock. His thick swollen dick appeared to be holding up his immense belly like scaffolding. He did a sexy twirl, shook his more than twunky fat ass, and farted, before also taking some of the eclairs and jamming them up Jim’s ginger ass. Being very soft by nature the creamy and chocolatey pastry treats didn’t enter very far at first, more just smashing into the rim and edges of his fat friend's ass, smearing the inside of his heavy cheeks. Seemingly uncontented with this state of affairs Tim suddenly rammed his whole fist in causing Jim to shriek and spasm. His fat layers vibrated and Tim drooled as he removed his arm, filled his hands with multiple eclairs, and rammed it right back in there. Jim, overcome with pleasure, felt his cock fill with blood so quickly that it burst open the bikini string that was trapping it, leaving a dark red line across the centre of his shaft where the string had so painfully cut into his member. He climbed up onto the wheelchair and forced his newly erect dick deep into the obese cripples eclair filled mouth. Mike bit down hard on it and drew blood before sucking with all of his 500 lb might. The wheelchair based giant's mouth was now full of cream and cake and cock. Tim kept jamming more eclairs into Jim’s gaping asshole while Mike continued to fellate him. Once there were no cakes left, Tim loudly declared, “I’M HUNGRY!!” Banged his massive belly three times and forcing his fat head in between his friends glorious ass cheeks began to eat the more than chocolatey eclairs back out of the hole. Mike, still holding onto the empty 20 oz cola bottle decided to reinsert it into his asshole where it had apparently come from. With a mighty effort he managed to raise his left cheek, which in itself must have weighed 100 lbs, and sat peacefully down on it. A cracking noise could be heard as the bottle reshaped itself under the force. By now Tim was digging both hands into Jim’s hole in order to remove the eclairs that he himself had forced far up into his bowels. He joyously filled his greedy mouth with as much smushed up creamy, pastry and goo as he could. This continued for a good minute or so until someone's mobile phone rang.

All three fat boys pretended to look around surprised, as if they weren’t expecting the call. The phone kept ringing until Jim noticed that Tim’s ass was vibrating. “My turn!” he stated triumphantly and stuck his right hand in, no lube, and retrieved the Samsung A15. “Hello! Yes we’re in room 304. Come straight up!” The thought of the soon to be arriving feast got all of them excited and they jacked each other off with real zeal so that when the poor, actually unsuspecting delivery boy entered his reaction was one of true horror. “Very Method” Mike said of the boy’s acting as he whelped and threw the massive bag of friend chicken at the three obese perverted faggots and their weird camp friend sat at a desk in a dress. “What, no tip required?” Tim asked as he struggled to lean forward, almost losing his balance due to his abundant belly and hard-on, in order to retrieve the grease stained bag.

Tim and Jim with a lot of effort tipped the naked 500 lb Mike up out of his chair so that he thumped to the floor with a Earthquake like thud. Jim then reached into his fat folds and magically removed a funnel. This he placed in the Goliath’s mouth while Tim set about ramming the fried chicken up his own ass in an effort to ‘mash it’. He climbed onto the desk, which bowed under his weight, and perched his ass over the top of the funnel. Jim held the funnel just in the right place so that Tim could “shit” into it whilst he could also get the tip of his cock over the lip. Tim clenched his fists and gurned as hard as he could. It took real effort to fart the first of the chicken out, but after that it started flowing quite freely due to the immense build up of his gas in his overloaded intestines. JIm squeezed and pulled at his cock as hard as he could whilst fisting himself with his left hand. As soon as he punched his prostate the cum also started flowing freely and the milky brown mixture was enviously gulped down by Mike who immediately started jacking off again due to the immense pleasure of feeling his stomach fill and swell with the disgusting mixture. In total more than 150 cum drenched smelly ass boneless chicken strips were farted into his mouth. While this was happening Tim continued to fill his own belly with chicken burgers, fries and cola. He needed to keep himself bloated as fuck in order to keep the gas supply high enough. In total he consumed over 5000 calories. The weight of which caused his bulging belly to grow and swell. It stretched and strained forward until he finally lost his balance and fell forward onto the desk, cracking the desk in two and tumbling backward on top of Mike whose pelvis snapped under the weight of his fat sexy friend. Jim, in an honest attempt to help his flailing blobby friends, who were now both screaming on the floor covered in shit stained chicken mush, cum, and ass blood, leant forward too quickly. The weight of his own distended ball gut, pulled tightly on his back and he slipped a disc at the L5-S1 level. The disc trapped his sciatic nerve and the pain shot all the way down his thick right leg and into his pudgy fat-laden toes within a tenth of a second. He howled in pain, like an obese wolf having a heart attack, and also fell to the floor. All three boys were writhing in agony before they could even get to their climax.

Danni, thinking that the show was over, rose to her feet and applauded loudly before delivering her only line “And what do you call yourselves?”

“Call us an ambulance!” Tim cried.

“You’re all an ambulance.” She said in a deadpan tone.

It was the oldest and funniest joke of the night.